Of Secrets, Tears and Sirius' Avoidance of Sentiment
by theimpetuousblues
Summary: While James is away on a mission for the Order, Lily confides in Sirius. BROTP.


**Author's Note:- Because LilyPads is my brotp.**

**Disclaimer: All is Jo's. **

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He arrived at dawn. She had been expecting him, of course. It was Tuesday, after all, and Padfoot was off on Tuesdays. Not that they ever r_eally _had a day off from this bloody war.

"You're early," Lily remarked, distractedly. Her eyes were far away and her heart, even further.

"I knew you'd be awake."

Sirius kissed the top of her head and set off for the kitchen. The fridge was empty of anything worth eating, as always. But, sure enough, Lily promised she'd 'whip something up'. He knew he should at least pretend to protest but he also knew she needed it more than he did. Her cheeks were hollow and she seemed paler than usual. Her hair tangled and ever her eyes seemed to have lost some of their vibrant color. Her collarbones strained against her skin in a way they never had before. As she tied her hair up, Sirius couldn't help but notice how very _small _she looked. Frail, even. His thoughts were interrupted inevitably by a question. The same question. She'd lasted longer this time. Usually, she couldn't make it to the kitchen before the words came tumbling out.

"Any word from James?"

Sirius shook his head, however reluctantly. James was fine. He had to be. He would know if he wasn't, wouldn't he? He would _feel _it. Lily's eyes seemed to mirror his thoughts, as they usually did when it came to James. There was a time when he hadn't believed she could love him, certainly not with as much care and respect as the Marauders had. But Lily had proved herself time and time again. Now, it was hard to believe that, once, she hadn't loved him at all.

Sirius barely noticed when Lily turned to face him. She had stopped cooking. But then, she hadn't really started in the first place.

"I can't breathe."

Her voice was a whisper.

Sirius Black remembered the first time he had ever seen Lily Evans cry. They were only fifteen and he had found her in the quidditch pitch. He watched from a distance for what seemed like ages, silently contemplating whether or not to comfort the sobbing witch. Her shoulders were shaking and her sobs were muffled against her hand. Sirius couldn't help but notice how _ugly _she looked. Perhaps ugly wasn't the right word but it was the only one that came to mind at the moment. She had always been pretty. Even he could admit that. But, at that moment, with her face scrunched up and red from the biting December wind, she looked so pathetically _sad_.

Four years later Sirius found himself thinking the exact opposite. She was beautiful, albeit in an undeniably tragic sort of way. Her cheeks were flushed, as they always were when she cried. Her sparkling eyes were so fantastically green. As green as, well, emeralds. She'd always hated that comparison but there was no other way to put it.

Four years was a long time. It was long enough for Sirius to know that something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong.

He walked over to her and held her hand.

"_Lils_?"

There was no one within miles that could possibly hear them at a standard volume. And, yet, her answering voice, like his, was no more than a whisper.

"_I'm pregnant_."

* * *

The two pale faced youths sat face to face until the sun was at its highest. Finally, she spoke.

"Sirius, I know it is a lot to ask. But I need you to keep this secret for me. Just until I've had a chance to speak with James."

"Of course."

There was no hesitation in his voice. That alone, she supposed, was a mark of how much they'd grown. Years ago she might've felt a sense of pride. Sirius keeping a secret from James. And for _her_. Although, such a situation would never have occurred then, she supposed. Sirius keeping a secret from James. It was a tragedy within itself.

"How far along are you?"

Lily couldn't help but smile at that.

"What are you smiling at, Evans?" he asked incredulously. She didn't bother to correct him. As much as she loves being a Potter, it was nice to still be 'Evans'. To someone, at least.

"You just sound so grown up."

Sirius smiled at the look of absolute fondness on her face. He did not doubt she would be a good mother. In some ways, she already was one.

"I am a responsible adult."

"We're _nineteen,"_ she replied. _"_Our hair has yet to grey."

Neither of them mentioned the fact that Remus had discovered his first grey hair at sixteen.

"Three weeks," she said, finally.

"Wow, that's kind of amazing."

"Is it?" She sounded less than amused. Lily tucked a few flyaway strands of hair behind her ear. Her hands found their way down to the necklace she'd always worn, the one with the little 'L' on it. She was a fidget. Always had been. "I'm having a baby, Sirius. I'm going to be a mother." She seemed shocked by her own words. "I'm only nineteen." She said it as if saying it enough times would somehow make it different. "How is that amazing? Please, tell me. _I need to know._"

Her voice was only a croak by the end. Still, her tears did not fall.

"You have a tiny little person inside you. A tiny person with your eyes and, well, you're everything, hopefully. If he looks anything like James….bleh."

"Bleh?"

"Bleh."

Lily's laughter was breathy and full of air. Almost as if he'd shocked it out of her. They sat in silence for a bit. Then, quite unexpectedly, Sirius reached over and patted her hand.

"I know you're thinking this is hard," he started, hesitantly. "You're thinking that it's not safe and it isn't. But, that doesn't mean that we can't do this. If you decide to, then we are going to have this baby and Peter, Remus and I will be with you every step of the way. And James, of course."

Her tears fell at last.

"What exactly do you mean when you say _we're _having this baby?" She raised her eyebrows in typical Lily fashion.

At that, he sat back and looked her in the eyes. Grey to green.

"I mean _we're _having this baby. Together."

And she knew exactly what he meant.

Overwhelmed by an unwelcome rush of feelings, Sirius Black scrunched his nose.

Lily felt a rush of feelings of her own, melancholy in nature. She knew this was a side of him that did not last very long and, on occasion, when it appeared, she had learned to draw it out as long as she could. But, for now, he had said his part perfectly. He had been just what she needed. So, she supposed, she ought to return the favor.

"Bleh?" she asked.

"Bleh, indeed."

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**-The End-**

**(Reviews are finding a best friend in the most unexpected of people.) **


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